airodyssey.net - "Plane jokes, plain fun"

Airline - The Complete First Season
A&E

Flightplan
Jodie Foster

Lost - The Complete Third Season
Matthew Fox

Mercy Mission/ Nowhere to Land
Robert Loggia

You are here: Articles > Aviation articles > Plane jokes

Aviation articles | Movie reviews | Flight stories

Article overview

Here you have five small jokes about commercial aviation. The first humoristic article on airodyssey.net.

Originally published in April 1998.

Re-edited in December 1999.

plane jokes, plain fun
by Sergio Ortega

laugh not once, not twice,
but five times. ha.

eel like laughing a little? Have a joke and a smile... (Like the old Coca-Cola slogan)... I don't have the source of the jokes, so just read them and laugh. Besides, the joke universe is mostly made as oral tradition, and finding an author for a joke is an impossible task! Enjoy!

For even more jokes, see the article "Have a joke and a smile".

Flying low
A flight instructor shows his student the instruments of a new state-of-the-art prop plane.

- The odds of having any engine failure are very low. But, in such case, there are four buttons on this emergency console. If ONE engine is lost, press this button and the emergency circuits will make the engine turn on again. If TWO engines stop, press this other button and the two engines will turn on again. If you lose THREE engines, you press this and it will turn on again. But, if the FOUR engines stop...
- ...I press this button and it will turn on again?
- No, no, no! It won't turn on again, but it will play an automated message.
- What does the message say?
- Press it and hear it by yourself.

The student presses the button and the message says:
"Repeat after me... In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost..."

Holy flight
A nun and a bishop are boarding a plane.

- Sister, don't be scared to take-off.
- Father, you perfectly know I have an aversion for flying.
- Then, Sister, how do you expect to go to Heaven without having to fly?

Excess baggage
A young couple is checking their baggage in an airline counter.

- Hey, Sandra, why did you bring so much luggage? Why didn't you bring the piano while you were at it?
- Ho, ho, very funny, Andrew.
- I wish I was joking... That's where I left our tickets.

The landscape
A man wearing prescription lenses is on a plane, talking with a flight attendant.

- This is incredible! We're so high I can barely see the cars and they look like ants!
- I'm sorry sir. We're not airborne yet. What you just saw ARE really ants.

Fast as a bullet
A new supersonic airliner is on its maiden flight. The captain is saying his little "welcome" message:

- Ladies and gents, welcome aboard the SST 275. This plane has four Rolls Royce Flash 412 engines and allows us to fly at an altitude of 61,000 feet, at a speed of Mach 3.2. Our flight time today will be, uh... 7 minutes, 55 seconds and 61 jiffies*. Our soundproof cabin will help you fully enjoy your flight. Thank you, we hope you'll have an enjoyable flight. Enjoy the flight.

The captain forgot to turn off his mike switch and says:
- Now how do I do to get this piece of crap to take-off, huh???